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Submitted on
May 16, 2013
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Coming Up Aces by Shira-chan Coming Up Aces by Shira-chan
Warning: This coming is NSFW. It's got lots of naked people in it. If you don't wanna see that, don't click on it.

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I don't talk about myself and my personal issues very much. If there's ever anything I need to get off my chest, I make it into a comic. I don't really consider this a "coming out" story so much as just a story that needed to be told. I still don't think it's a big deal or anything I need to proclaim to the world or fuss over, and this realization didn't really change anything about how I live my life or approach my relationships, but it did make me feel MUCH less self-conscious about certain aspects of myself.

The artwork isn't my best, but I wasn't really focused on the art as much as just telling the story and getting it on paper. I wasn't even planning on posting it online, but I honestly like how it turned out, and I want to show it off.

In related news, I got a bunch of new pens from and I think I'm in love!

Edit: Like I said, I don't talk about myself very much. I'm not great at answering all sorts of questions and stuff. So if you have any questions or all-encompassing opinions about asexuality, you should take a second to watch this video first. It'll answer your questions a lot better than I can, and personally it would make me feel a little less awkward about answering all the questions I've been getting.
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LittlePigArt Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You and I are so much alike...I wish I could explain this to my boyfriend. 
TimKai Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
BeBlackwood Featured By Owner May 17, 2014  Student General Artist
I can actually really relate to never having looked at a hot guy and thinking 'damn, I want him to screw me.' although otherwise I'm into it. I just never find myself attracted to actual people like that, even though I definitely do drool over guys. 
BlackWaltz30 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2014
Truthfully, I would go to a doctor just so I see what a true orgasm would feel like, but only that I'm not saying anything is wrong with being asexual and that their is anything to be fixed, but I would try for curiosity sake and if you don't like what they present or the effect after trying just walk away. Regardless I hope you find happiness.
Melonehalf Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013
I'm assuming opening up the relationship was never on the table...
tharah Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2013   Writer
*de-ghosts after…years* I have to say, I greatly respect you for having the courage to put yourself out there like this. It’s hard enough having a simple opinion online without being harassed, but covering a real, personal issue like this…well, I’m not certain I could’ve walked into a minefield blindfolded, then walked out the other side with my head held high. *grins* So a big kudos for that!

As someone who had, and still has, a very limited interest in sex (partially due to a crippling phobia about pregnancy, among other issues), there was a time I honestly thought something was wrong with me. I didn’t even know someone could be asexual…the few friends and sources I felt brave enough to ask immediately pushed medicine, therapy, exercises…I was bombarded with ideas on how to ‘fix’ myself, so I could start thinking ‘right’.

I was lucky enough to have an understanding husband (12+ years now!) who was - and still is - willing to wait. If I truly had been asexual…well, there are no words to express how lucky I feel knowing that one person doesn’t think I’m ‘broken’, and will stand beside me, and love me for who I am. I can only hope you find the same, as you shouldn’t have to change yourself, or meet some illusionary standard set by others.

I sincerely hope you find a great match someday; you deserve love, and to be loved, with no strings attached. As long as you’re honest and upfront about your orientation, they should never have reason to hold it against you. It might take a lot of searching, but I really hope you find a great guy in the future!

Anyway, thank you for posting this; for opening up a delicate, personal story to others, and keeping it up despite all the negativity you’ve gotten. Some of us appreciate seeing it, and perhaps some will even find answers to their own doubts/questions about being asexual…or at least realize they aren’t alone, and should never have to feel ashamed!
Shira-chan Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you for that :) I've been (mostly) successful is ignoring the stupid ignorant comments I've been getting because people like you are so sweet and encouraging.

I went back and forth a LOT about whether I should actually post this online or not before finally doing it. I only put it up with the intention of telling a story, but I'm really glad that I've been able to help people or change their day a little bit. :)
BellaCielo Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I've heard mention of this comic before on Tumblr, but today I finally found a link and read it in full. First off, thank you for taking the time to make this comic, having the bravery to tell your story and face all the doubters - nobody has the right to tell you what do to with your body and anyone who offers advice on "fixing" your sexual orientation (or claims that you should WANT to be "fixed") is, quite frankly, full of shit. Whether it's a friend, a partner, a healthcare provider or some random internet commenter, don't give those people a second of your time - they are the identity police, and they aren't worth it.

Secondly, as a grey-asexual person (more "asexual" than "grey" - the man I'm currently dating is the only person I've ever had any sexual interest in) dating a guy who can best be described as "apasexual" (heterosexual with little/no interest in sex), I could identify with this comic quite well. Without getting into details, we have differing romantic, sensual and sexual needs, and navigating these needs and compromising is sometimes challenging. We seem to have found common ground, but I'm always worried that things might fall out of balance and that one of us might end up resentful of the other. So far, we've been quite good at mutually respecting needs and boundaries, and I'm beyond thankful that we view each others' sexualities as integral parts of our identities rather than "conditions" in need of "correction".

At any rate, if or when you decide to date again, I hope that you'll be able to find somebody who is respectful of your orientation, wants and needs as well. Life is too short to be spent in the company of the willfully-ignorant or purposefully-disrespectful - do what makes you happy and feel right.
Shira-chan Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you so much :) Since I've posted this comic online, I've gotten so many negative, ignorant reactions from random internet idiots on dA and imgur, but I've been able to ignore them mostly because of sweet people like you who are so encouraging of this whole thing. Thanks a bunch :hug:
Kisady Featured By Owner May 25, 2013
soooooooo... you are expecting a compromise, while resenting being asked to compromise. I respect your feelings, but do not understand them.
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